I think I have Peter Pan Syndrome. I do not like the idea of growing up completely. I really can't believe how fast life has went by, I am almost twenty years old. I remember kindergarden, I remember my mom playing the piano for us, I remember playing dinosaurs with my little brothers. It's all gone. I'll never forget those moments, but it's hard to think that I'll never be that young again, that those memories with my parents will be nothing but memories, and growing up with my little brothers doesn't exist anymore.
I have finally left the nest, but I miss it all the time, but as soon as I'm there I know why I left. I miss my parents so much, I miss my cat Tippy, and I miss my own bedroom. I know that all those things will always be in my life no matter what happens, it's just hard letting those things go from my daily life. I've been on my own for almost two years, and it feels like yesterday when I would get ready to go to school, and meet everyone in the forum, I don't talk to anyone I really went to high school with, and it's strange because these were the people I grew up with and saw everyday for almost four years, and everything is gone.
I think that eventually I will be okay with growing up, and I think I subconsciously act childish so I don't lose my youth. I want to be young forever. I don't want the reality of being an adult, although it has it's perks, I'll never have the memories as I have as a child as an adult. So much more is expected from me in life, I am expected to make decisions, and manage my whole life. It's hard to handle sometimes. I just want to give up. One day, I hope all of this will be worth it, I hope that I'll be able to grow up and be okay with growing up. I want to always have my parents by my side, and my brothers there looking out for me even though everything we've been through together.
I will be okay with it, one day.
Until then, I want to soak up my youth, and never let it go completely.
I miss being young and innocent, not knowing what the real world is like, and being happy. Truly happy with whatever was put in front of me.
"Growing up happens in a heartbeat. One day you're in diapers; the next day you're gone. But the memories of childhood stay with you for the long haul."
