there are no answers, there is just life.

My biggest fear in life is not being successful, not heights or monsters, but not succeeding in my future. I feel like being at school, in this point in my life isn't right for me. Whenever I walk into these lecture halls I feel so alone, I feel so threatened by the people around me, and terrified of the teacher in front of me. I really believe that I'm not smart enough to me here, and my greatest fear is to be kicked out next year because of my low academic standards. As of right now I'm on academic probation, not something I planned as my marks in high school were exceptional.
My dream is to get a well paying job doing something I really love, to be happy and have a family. I fear that when I'm older I'll be struggling debts, and trying to find a decent job but I hope that I'll have a family to support me.
Every time I think about the future or what I'm going to do with my life I stress myself out so much. I do not know what to do, and it frustrates me so much to the point I'm in tears instantly. I have no idea what I want to be when I grow up, and I really don't think anyone does. Even when most people are grown up they always change careers. I still have major anxiety about the subject, but it makes things seem a little bit okay.
That gives me hope that even if I finish my degree, I can do something else, go back to school and do something else I love.
It's just really hard for me to force myself to do something I really don't care about, and it makes it a million times harder when whatever I'm doing is ridiculously hard. No matter how hard I try, someone will always do better than me, and that makes it hard too. Last year I didn't try as hard as I should have, but as soon as I starting realizing this stuff really matters, it was too late. I had no choice but to not do well on my exams.
This year I hope to do better, I have a really supportive boyfriend, and really good friends that I know will push me though this year.
I can only hope that I do my best, and if university is not for me, I guess I'll be finding out the hard way.

“Stop acting as if life is a rehearsal. Live this day as if it were your last. The past is over and gone. The future is not guaranteed.”

I have to take one day at a time, one challenge at a time, and try my best in everything that is put in front of me.
Things turn out best for those who make the best of the way things turn out, and it's true. I have to be happy for the present.
Take one step at a time.

There is one thing that I will truly strive for in my years to come: A complete and happy family, one that when you look at us you can see we all really love and care about each other. I want to always be close with the children I may have, and I want to always be in love with my husband.
I always see families together, and I always wish that they could be mine. The way they interact with each other and how they do family things, have reunions, family vacations and just hang out together.
My family is nothing like that. To be honest, I wouldn't call us much of a family. As much as I hate to admit it, it breaks my heart.
I wish I could have a mom that has heart to hearts with, someone that I get along with all the time, or even for the most part, someone who loves spending time with me. I feel like my mom really doesn't care about me or what I'm doing with my life. We have pretty much the same personality, and I really think that's why we do not get along. We're too much of the same person. I feel like I'm a huge inconvenience to my mother's life and she has no care in the world to find out about me, and what I'm interested in, what I want to do with my life or even how my day went. One day I hope we get along. I really do.
I love my dad a lot, and I feel bad for him, I feel like he's not happy with his life. I wish I could make him happy. I feel like no one really cares about him and I wish he was a more open person, I would love to know more about him and know what it was like for him growing up, or just do something to make his day better. I feel like he's always in a bad mood and I can never talk to him the way I want too. One day I hope he's happy again.
I have two brothers, they are twins. Damien & Daniel. Daniel moved out last year when him and my mom got into a huge fight and I haven't spoken to him since. He has no desire to be involved in any of our lives. I miss him. Even though he's my brother and when he was around I wish he would have left, he's still my brother and I hope he's doing okay. Damien and I will get along when we're older, as of right now when I'm not around he's an only child, and he's taking full advantage of it. He's a brat, but when he's nice we get along good.
I really aspire to have a functional loving family when I'm older. We will have sit down dinners, I'll be close with my daughter in a way my mother never tried to be, and I'll get along with my son.
Not having a family around all the time has made me see other people's families and I'm so jealous of what they have, nice christmas dinners, and just enjoying being together.
I want that more than anything.

"Other things may change us, but we start and end with family"